"I Am Whatever You Say I Am"
Ahhh...the unwitting brilliance of Eminem.
I mean, before he entered the political arena, anyway. But, I digress.
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...".
I know I've said it at least once in the past month! In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?
Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences. My question is: Why? Why do we care? Why is it important? Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Or do they? Be honest with yourself when you answer. After all, it's just us.
I mean, before he entered the political arena, anyway. But, I digress.
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...".
I know I've said it at least once in the past month! In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?
Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences. My question is: Why? Why do we care? Why is it important? Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Or do they? Be honest with yourself when you answer. After all, it's just us.
To an extent, I truly do not care what others may think of me and I think I am this way because when I was younger, I was so conscious of other people’s thoughts and opinions. I would find myself constantly fighting with my thoughts and feelings because I would want to wear something or do something, but I wouldn’t because of how other people would perceive me. It got to a point when in middle school I was making every move with other people’s judgements in mind. I was already insecure (like everyone is in middle school) so this made everything 100x worse. I feel like once I was in high school I finally became so tired of thinking about other people that I began to stop caring. Now I wear what I want to wear and do what I want to do for the sole reason of wanting to wear/ do it. Although being honest, there is still the little voice in my head wondering what certain people will think when they see me wearing certain things or doing this activity, etc.
ReplyDeleteHowever I do feel like society as a whole has shaped my choices in a way, especially my clothing. I wear what everyone else wears not to “fit in”, but by everyone thinking the latest style is cute, I find myself thinking the same.
People care about others’ opinions for many reasons. Some are insecurities, some are wanting to fit in and others want to stand out so they wear the outlandish clothes and crazy outfits in order to get others talking about them.
We as a society are conditioned to be conscious of what others think of us. There is a major fear that if we do something “weird” or “different” then we will be made fun of and laughed at, which no one wants. This leads to a decrease in individuality. It’s easier these days to wear what everyone else is wearing than putting on something totally different and “risking” getting laughed at or talked badly about.
This also has to do with the fact that I judge people in my head, but hold people to a lower standard in the way that they would take it a step further and comment on how someone lives their life because I’ve experienced it. There would be someone being themselves, ya know, living their best lives and an arrogant person would say something and all the sudden the person comes in the next day looking like an average joe because of what one person may have said.
Of course I care about how others think of me. Everyday I wonder if the people I'm closest to and love think I'm ugly or stupid or if I'm even able to live up to their high standards. Time and time again, my mother always told me not to care about what others think of me. I have always done my best to ignore how others thought of me or talked about me, or even what I wondered they thought of me. I have such a low self-esteem, if that wasn't obvious enough. So I always expect strangers (and even people I love) to think bad about me, to point out the flaws that make me stand out in a negative way.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I care about how others think about me because I want to know what I need to fix about myself: about my outer appearance, about my actions, about my personality. I'd only go so far, though, and would never resort to changing myself over completely. I always think, "If there are things people don't like about me, I need to fix it and become a better person." I know there are lots of things that I do and that I am that I should fix, and I want to fix that.
In all honesty, that's how I believe others feel if they want to care about how others feel about them. Everyone wants everyone to like them, and it's very impossible for everybody to like each other.
I’ll be blatantly honest, I care about what people think of me. I always have. I used to be a follower, I used to let the opinions of others control me, and I used to have this constant need to fit in because when I was in elementary school I was the oddball always left out. I used to pick out my outfit in the morning and say to myself, “will I get made fun of for wearing this?” This all changed the year I was homeschooled. I had finally taken a step back from everything and I stopped caring as much because I was no longer in a school setting. Bunje, I don’t know if you have heard but I have a silly little YouTube channel FashionWithCatherine13, not to brag or anything but, I’ve collected nearly 200,000 views. Mr. Dunn found my channel and without hesitation sent it to the entire class on remind 101. Anyways, that little YouTube channel was the very threshold between my comfort zone and the world. I used to spend my free time watching videos about hair, makeup and fashion, longing to make my own videos. For an entire year I would film and re-film my very “first” video, If I was going to put anything up on the Internet for people to see I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted there to be no way for anyone to say anything negative about it. And obviously this is impossible. The summer I turned thirteen, I decided that it shouldn’t matter what other people thought, I should do what makes me happy, so I uploaded my first video. More and more videos were uploaded that summer leading in to my eighth grade year, which is the year I was homeschooled. Being homeschooled had made it easier to put myself out there. By December I had 100 subscribers and I thought it was a huge accomplishment. I was originally homeschooled so I could dance in Philly, but needless to say it didn’t work out. Philly was too far and I hated homeschooling and being isolated so my freshman year I went to Oakcrest. I wasn’t like the new girl or anything, I went to Davies, Hess and Shaner so I already knew everyone. And everyone knew about my YouTube channel, nobody- to my knowledge- ever made fun of me. A lot of girls actually watched my videos, and a lot of people would hit me up saying that they wanted to make a YouTube channel too. YouTube isn’t like a huge part of my life or anything I’m not famous or rich because of it. But I can accredit YouTube to my confidence. I had taken a huge risk and in the end of the day it became my thing and people thought it was cool. And I think that’s when I stopped being a follower and became a leader. I hadn’t even realized how much confidence I’d gained until one day Mrs. Rock was like “Catherine, you’re really confident.”
ReplyDeleteI love public speaking, performing on stage and I love putting myself out there on a higher platform. The key to almost anything in life is confidence. You can want people to like you and respect you but at the same time have enough confidence in yourself to never change who you are to please others. And that is my mentality. I care mostly about what the adults in my life think of me, do my teachers think I’m intelligent, do my dancer teachers think I could ever succeed, are parents actually proud of me or do they just say it because as a parent your supposed to say those things after your kid’s recital. As for my peers I’ll be honest and say that I want to be liked by everyone, but if people don’t like me, I don’t care I put myself out there without holding back and if they don’t like me it’s not really my problem.
It think we care about what others think so much because it’s human nature to want to fit in. I have a fear of loneliness and to some extent I think that can force you to care, because after all we fear that if we don’t fit in, we will be lonely.
As we, the teenagers of 2017, live in this world we are set to a certain standard. If you're a girl you should be nice and polite, you shouldn't cuss, and we should be smart. We’re told “be yourself” and “be unique” but with this comes judgement. What about the girls that speak their mind and throw in a few curse words while at it? Personally, I know I’m nice and polite, I know I shouldn’t curse but I do, and I am smart and it’s not because of other people I’m like this.
ReplyDeleteThere have been times where I’ve told myself, “I only do this for my grandfather”, or I don’t care about how I feel about a situation because I’ll do it for someone else to make them happy. I feel I’m like this because in 2017 we’re set to certain standards and I need to make other people happy before myself. This also falls into being peer pressured, something that happens all the time to everyone, we do things we don’t want to do so we won’t be judged. Frequently we tell ourselves, I don’t care, about people and their opinions but in most cases we only care about others opinions.
Middle school and high school is where the most bullying and peer pressure happen, in reality these are the years that shape humans into the people they will be for the rest of our lives. We find our insecurities and begin to think we need to fit in, when really we need to become ourselves. I can recall times in middle school where I was told I was too skinny or even anorexic which made me put on weight to look like everyone else or consider anorexia to make others learn their lesson. I was made fun of for a gap in my teeth which I had no control of but I had gotten braces to fix it anyway. But why do we care? On my behalf I care because my whole life I was told i didn’t fit in, and all I wanted in the world was to fit in, to be like everyone else. It seems to be only important to the one being judged because once you change they don’t seem to say anything. Anymore, I tell myself, I don’t care. I realized I changed and some changes were for the better and some for the worse, but it’s a lot easier to be myself. I’d rather not fit in and be unique than be just like everyone else. It seems like being unique could be a negative thing too, the moment you “start doing you” and others don’t like it you become a hoe or other unnecessary words that don't even apply. It’s almost as if no one can ever truly be happy because everyone cares about what you’re doing and what you’re wearing.
Instead of following all the guidelines of being a stereotypical girl, I like to step out of my comfort zone and maybe become the trendsetter. As mentioned previously, I want to be the girl to go into the Marines, the hardest branch of our military. I’ve had so many people shut me down or tell me i’m incapable of doing so but they motivate me even more to prove them wrong.
For the longest time I wouldn’t do solos in choir even though I had the opportunity to. I knew very well that I could do it but I was just too scared of what people think of me. It took me almost four years to get over that. Even now I’m a worship leader whose job is to lead people and sing by myself in front of my church. The place I feel so comfortable in and so at peace but still I’m scared of judgement and what people will say. Even though my church is so judgement free when it comes to people. I care what people think about me to an extent and it really depends on who it is. If you're someone completely irrelevant to me, and have no use in my life then I probably will just get a little offended and just be annoyed as to why this person feels that way about me if they don’t know me. If it's someone seriously important to me of course I’ll care but I won’t let it affect who I am as a person( unless it's constructive criticism). I feel like we care what people think because we all want to be liked. Everyone wants to be loved and everyone wants people to talk highly of them. Some of us gain confidence and high self esteem from what other people say and do. So it becomes an obligation to care what people think about you. It really sucks that this is how people are because not everyone is going to like you. We know this too everyone knows it but no matter what we know it still bothers us. It throws people into a spiral of self hate and doubt. What people say can be so mood altering and just ruin someone's day. It really is strange how it works I still till this day don’t know why I care what people think about me because I’m really stubborn so people's opinion doesn’t generally phase me.
ReplyDeleteI say all the time that I don’t care what people say or think about me and the truth is I don’t for the most part but then again there is always a part of me that wonders. I feel as though many people care about what others say because they want to be accepted and in that case I understand because occasionally I can feel the same. Sometimes being accepted is all we look for in life because at times thats all we have. I know personally I couldn’t care less about the negative things people say or think about me however I do like hearing the positive. A lot of people in school I have noticed have the need to feel accepted and try constantly to change based on everyones perception on them. I can say that I care about what my family and close friends say about me however I do not think I need to change myself based on the perception someone who doesn’t truly know me has on me. I care what my family and close friends care about me because I know their morals and views and I respect them. Anything they say about me good or bad influences the way I view myself and makes me try harder to keep up or change whatever I am doing to make them see me as a better person. My support system means the world to me which is why I will do anything in my power to make them happy and proud. Sometimes my parents have very high expectations for me and it can be hard to meet them but I know that even coming close to them will most definitely show my parents that I try very hard. Honestly I just feel as though no one should worry about how anyone who doesn’t matter to you views you because at the end of the day everyone is going to have something to say about you and its up to you whether you let that affect you or not.
ReplyDeleteI’m not going to lie… I always wonder what people think of me. I always think people will judge me if I ask a question or do a certain thing. It is easier to say that you don’t care what others think about you than to admit to your actions. Being a teen and already half way done high school I can see how I have changed because of the people around me. These people are the reason I wake up in the morning and decide what outfit to wear, how my hair should look, and if I should put mascara on (because I don’t wear make up). Don’t get me wrong I do it for myself too, but the people are just a part of it. I don’t only think about what other think of me physically, but also mentally, like do they think I’m smart or dumb. I lack confidence in my ability to “school” meaning I feel as if I have the potential, but the thought of me doing something wrong prevents my confidence, but I’m trying to get over that. I hang out with the right crowd, bright people that never done wrong. Even though I love them I sometimes think about what they think of me. Am I doing everything right? Saying the right things?
ReplyDeleteIt’s important to me to know what the others think of me because if it is something bad I would want to better myself at it. It is the way society is shaped now and days; everyone judges. It is one of many insecurities people share and have in common. This influences me because it make me strive to be better or lets me know not to hang around those type of people.
Now, I can sit here and say that I don't care what anyone thinks of me and that I am more confident than ever and so much more; but that wouldn't be the whole truth. I'm not saying I die to know everyones' input on what I do and when I do it, however, I care what people see me as. Do they think I'm nice? Funny? Rude? This is the type of feedback I care to know from people. I mainly care due to Parental Pressure. All my life I was told I was a "representation of my parents". That was super intimidating to me because it would cause me to non-stop think about how people saw me and if it met my mother's expectations. Parents aren't the only people to blame though. I believe that we all care about what people think of us because of the society we live in today. Today, everything you do or say can be documented some way or some how. So, if you do something stupid like fall and it just so happens someone has a phone out recording or taking pictures; your reputation can essentially change and it's not always good. On the other hand it can be good. For example, if you listen to what people say about you or think of you and use that information in a positive way; you can better yourself. What I believe is completely unnecessary though, is changing yourself because someone tells you to. I don't think anyone should ever change the qualities of themselves to please or satisfy another person. Not everyone will like you for who you are and they will push you to change to meet their expectations but you have to remain sane and know who you are. For me, I learned this lesson the hard way but I can look back at myself in the past and realize how far I've come with self confidence and not needing anyone's 2 cents. (unless it's going towards the bill)
ReplyDeleteI have never met a single person in my life that doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. I probably never will. There are plenty of people that act like they could give less of a shit about what people have to say about them or think of them, though. And to some extent they may not be very concerned, but there will always be someone whose opinion matters. Most of the time that person is someone you love or care deeply about. I don’t care what some random person on the street has to say about me, but I’ll probably worry myself into a fit if I think my mom is disappointed in me, if my girlfriend thinks I’m a bad person, or if my friends think I’m a shitty friend. And those perceptions will most certainly affect my choices. But why? Why does someone who isn’t you influence how you live your life? I honestly don’t know. I’m not a psych buff, but maybe we allow outside forces to affect us in such a way because we fear they will abandon us. For me, I don’t know if I could be satisfied with myself if I don’t live up to my personal expectations which, in a way, come from other people. Obviously, I want to be a good teammate, friend, and person, but would it matter to me if I didn’t give a damn how my teammates, friends, and others viewed me? At the end of the day, the answer is no. You have to maintain a level of satisfaction with others in order to stay with others.
ReplyDeleteUntil this year, I’ve always cared too much about how others perceived me. I’m not entirely sure why I was so concerned with the opinions of others, but I figure it was just a side effect of being insecure. I often catch myself saying “I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” which is somewhat true, but not completely. I know who I am and what I’m made of, but I often lose that confidence. When I lose that confidence is when I begin to let the opinions of others affect how I see myself. Feeling happy and comfortable in your own skin is hard, and when you’re at a high point in confidence and one little comment changes that, it’s disappointing. Words definetly do hurt, and they can completely change the way you see yourself, whether it’s just for a quick second after the words were said or if the words had a long term effect on your own perception of yourself. When it comes to other people's perceptions or expectations of who I am, I feel as though I wouldn’t say I’m “worried” about these perceptions, but I’m cautious. For example, first impressions are important. Whether it’s a new teacher, a job interview, or you’re meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time, we all tend to be on our best behavior because we care about how we are perceived. This makes me think that the perceptions we care about the most are those from the new people that come into our lives. All in all, I feel that it’s a matter of confidence within the individual; the higher the confidence, the less care in the world about the world’s perceptions.
ReplyDeleteThe extent that people’s judgement have an effect on me is in areas that I need help in, like if I was lacking in a certain area, and a particular person was good at it. Their judgement would affect me, because I am trying to be good in that area like them, so their judgement decides if I am doing the right thing.The reason we care about the way people think, judge, and view us is because, for many of us we want to know how they see us through their eyes and how they think about us in their head either in a good or bad way. For me, if it’s a bad way that somebody views me, I use this to change and better myself. It’s also important to some people because, if you want to get to know a particular person or let that person get to know you, you want to know what they think of you and how they see you through there own mind. Although another case that this is important to some people is because, let’s say you are lacking in a certain area, and there is a person that is better than you in that particular area, you want to know what they think about you or view you so you can be like them or even better than them in whatever area it is that you are lacking in, you want to meet or exceed their expectations of you. This has an influence on some people because it can decide there every action either in a good way or a bad way. And for the others that are not affected by this like me, most of the time we do whatever we want without a care what another person thinks of us.
ReplyDeleteWere told we can be who we want to be and to not worry about other people's opinions of us though on the other hand were told to be careful of what we post online due the fact that our future colleges/ employers will see it. I grew up being told you're supposed to dress and act a certain way which is partially why I care. I think everyone cares to a certain degree because let's face it everyone wants to be liked and fit in. I think to some degree that you should care what people think of you such as your character. I think as millennials we have added pressures and expectations let's face it college, sports, jobs everything is getting more competitive and don't forget we get blamed for everything that goes wrong so yeah expectations do influence. One example is if you want to be really good at say volleyball you might move from a recreational team to a travel team to get the extra bump on your competitors People's opinions on us influence everyone I know for me and probably some others you just want to fit in and be liked..
DeleteWhat everyone else thinks of me doesn’t matter to me. When I was younger my grandfather taught me quite a few important lessons and one was that at the end of the day you need to like yourself. Therefore, peer pressure isn’t something that normally affects me. Maybe if I’m having a bad day I’ll just be like okay whatever I’ll do it stop bothering me but normally I’m incredibly stubborn and will do whatever it is that my heart is set on doing. Parental pressure I believe only affects me because there are consequences for not getting good grades or having all my chores done or being well-mannered at a “family” event. However, if my parents try to change my perspective on something without a valid argument or just insult me, it usually just goes to the back of my mind with other useless things. Self-imposed pressure is honestly a good thing if you aren’t too rough with yourself. I believe in doing things thoroughly and taking care of myself. If I need rest over a grade, I automatically take it, no questions asked. Personally I don’t care how “nice” I look. I dress in whatever is comfortable or desired that day, cause not every pair of jeans is soft and stretchy instead of scratchy or tight, but it's what I want. I do like to perform well in school and such particularly with sciences and math because I used to struggle the most with them and at grappling tournaments because it's a passion of mine. I rather would turn in good work that on time work and have a firm grasp of what is going on than just copying off my friends or practice longer instead of sandbagging aka cheating. Self- imposed pressure is really living to your own standards and mine aren’t terribly strenuous. My goals are to be happy and work hard to build a successful future for myself without sacrificing my sanity. Personally, image isn’t all that important but it can lead someone to a job or to certain crowds of people which they may desire but I don’t see the point if they never end up feeling like they belong or are happy. I don’t understand why it’s important. I know I want people to like me, but I want it to be for what I am and honestly I'm not always the best all the time. Keeping up with personal standards is okay if those standards are healthy and keep you personally happy. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant especially in high school when most pressures have to do with physical appearance, party attendance, and “likes”. It’s important to be unbothered about dumb things and to focus on building your own character and achieving personal goals.
ReplyDeleteI often say that I don't care what people say or think about me but deep down inside I really do care; it's part of our human emotion. Most people want to be liked and feel accepted by those around them. It helps us feel that we fit in.
ReplyDeleteIn many instances, a person's perception may be totally wrong, especially if you do not know a person very well. You form a perception of a person because of their actions, before you even get to know them and your treatment towards that individual is impacted by your perception. For instance, some people may think I am mean or anti-social because I walk through the hall with the biggest resting bitch face and as I make my way through the halls, my focus is getting to my next class and not the people around me. People also often ask me why am I so serious. But in fact, I am probably the least serious person amongst all of my friends. I love to laugh, joke and make others laugh. People who get to know me always say that I am the funniest person they know and when they first meet me, that is not their first impression. It takes time for me to warm up to people and let them see the real me.
Overall, I feel that it is important to be “self aware” of how you are perceived by the important people around you. Whether it is your family or close friends, these individuals help to shape your personality and how you interact with others. I have always tried to surround myself with people that will have a positive impact on me and are striving to reach the same goals. I value their opinion and I want their perception of me to be a positive one. I want to live up to their expectations, but I also want to be true to myself.
I place a lot of pressure on myself to live up to other people’s expectations of me and when I don’t meet them I tear myself apart, especially if it’s someone who’s opinion matters to me. I care a lot about the way people view me and what they think of me no matter how unhealthy it may be and I feel like I can’t help it. Maybe I’m searching for approval, or maybe I just like the thought of people liking me. What I think it really boils down to is low self esteem. I have always had low self esteem, as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted people to like me and to have all of these friends. Even people who I knew but didn’t really know, the smallest comments about what I’m wearing or what my hair looks like could make my day or completely flip it upside down. Pleasing people, or meeting their expectations is important to me because it gives me a sense of pride when someone is impressed with my work or tells me I look good and it helps me fill the spaces within myself that need to be filled with pride, even if it may be for only a few hours or a day. It provides me with the confidence that I need or want to posses. I believe that some people honestly don’t care what most people think about them until it comes down to their family or someone they love. Everyone wants to please and live up to the expectations of the people they love. From my perspective, everyone has someone they want to impress and be confident in themselves for. No matter who you are or where you come from you care about the way someone thinks of you and that influences many things you do and decisions you make.
ReplyDeleteThe impact of other people’s perception of me on the decisions I make has definitely changed over time but it was never too much. I guess in middle school the their impact on my decisions was the highest. But this is normal as everyone in middle school wants to fit in. I never cared too much about what other people think. It never caused me to have panic attacks like some other people. Most of the decisions I made were because of my perception of myself. And I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like myself at all. I had low confidence and low self esteem and I didn’t like the way I looked. I felt like I wasn’t who I was supposed to be or the best version of me I could be. So my own perception of myself guided me to reinventing myself over the next few years up until now. I changed the way I looked, I changed my personality, and I changed my outlook on the world to fit a new Carlos that I liked better. I most importantly I took more chances. All these things have made my life ten times better and have made me 10 times more confident. I am proud to say I like who I am now.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life gets hard. Sometimes school gets to be too much and balancing that with sports, friends, and sleep can become overwhelming. At some points in the past I felt like giving up. I didn’t care about school anymore and I just wanted to goof off with my friends. But then I remember my parents. They have gone through so much to give me the opportunities I have today to have a successful life. They came to this country for me and have gone through so much bullshit for me that just telling you just the things they’ve told me would fill up a book. Their selflessness is something I don’t think I could ever achieve. So when I feel like giving up I remember they deserve a son they are proud of. So I keep working for them so one day they will know it was all worth it.
Humans are very social creatures. We naturally depend on one another. Our species survived by working together and staying in groups for protection and strength. For this reason we have a primitive need to fit in. To be accepted among others to feel safe and secure. This still applies today but alongside less spears and getting eaten by jaguars and more iPhones and pumpkin spice coffee. People want other people to to like them so they can fit in. Some crave this more than others. Other’s perceptions on us can be good motivation sometimes but you can’t let it get to you or you will never be happy.